Is it the thing, or how you do the thing? (Things I ask myself before writing something off)

I was talking to friend about her aversion to curry and her hate of cinnamon rolls.

I can’t imagine hating these? 😭

Anyways, she says she doesn’t like curry (regardless if it’s sweet or spicy) because of a trauma thing and I realized it’s the same with me with things I don’t really like but don’t know why.

My History With Food (and Saying No)

I grew up being made to eat things I didn’t want. Saying no wasn’t an option. I just “complied” because if not, “healthy” food would be forced into my mouth. I was made to eat seafood even when I couldn’t breathe after. I was made to eat a strawberry I had already thrown away. She made me go get it back from the ground and wash it and made me eat it.

Somewhere along the way, trying new food stopped feeling like a choice at all.

When I got older, I swung the other way. I stopped eating things I didn’t want. Full stop.

It felt like freedom, and it was. But there’s a difference between “I won’t” as a boundary and “I won’t” as a reflex.

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What Changed

My husband is patient with me about food. He walks me through the experience. When I'm unsure about something, he tries it first and describes what it tastes like, what the texture is, what to expect. He knows I don't like specific textures, so he already knows when something isn't for me. Knowing I can stop if I want to, that no one will force me to finish anything, makes it feel safe enough to try.

He always says: just one bite. Not to finish it, not to like it. Just to give it a fair chance. That's made all the difference.

The part where I started paying attention

I am a picky eater so I have to navigate taste AND texture when it comes to food. When I was talking to my dietitian, she was asking which vegetables I don’t eat and I told her, it’s better to tell her what I eat because it’s like 2 things 🤭

So I’d like to share with you what I do to get past this.

Before I write something off, I ask myself: is it the thing itself, or is it how I’m doing it? And if I can improve the process, can I get through it?

Let’s play the game “Is it the thing, or how you do the thing?” 🤣

Non-Food Examples

For example, you don’t like showering because of body issues. What if you brought a small candle and turned the lights off? Can you get through it then?

I don’t like taking the rubbish out because it’s disgusting. So I bought lavender-scented bin bags. It’s now tolerable.

I don’t like touching icky things, especially rubbish. So I bought disposable purple rubber gloves. Now I can do a bit of gardening too because I feel protected.

I don’t like watering the plants because it feels like a chore. So I bought a hose. Now I just use the hose.

The fix isn’t always willpower. Sometimes it’s just purple gloves.

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Food Examples

Food is the same.

I don’t like cooking vegetables. Because once upon a time, I cut a vegetable open and found a m̵̷̨̛̖͝a̷̢̛̺͝g̴̨̢̪͠g̷̨̛̫͝o̸̢̙͝t̴̨̢̗͠ inside 🫠

But I do know I need to eat vegetables and I can’t just keep avoiding them. So instead of forcing myself to get over it, I got curious about how to work around it.

So I tried things. I asked someone else to cut the vegetables. I started buying them already cooked. I didn’t have to be the one to do that part. And slowly, vegetables stopped feeling like a problem. Now, if I can’t do those, I buy riced or pre-cut frozen vegetables. I add them to scrambled eggs and I don’t even feel them there.

Then I took it a step further. In my effort to actually eat more of them, I sat down and listed the meals I can tolerate. The ones I genuinely like.

Sinigang was on the list. But kangkong wasn’t. I kept picking around it, leaving it at the side of the bowl.

So I got curious again. What is it about kangkong?

And I realized it’s the stem. The texture of it. Not the leaf. Just the stem.

Now when I eat sinigang, I cut off the stems and eat the leaves.

That’s it. That’s the whole fix. A small thing, but a win.

One Bite at a Time

If you’re like me, still figuring out the difference between a reflex and a real boundary, still learning what you actually like versus what you were just never allowed to say no to… Give yourself grace.

You don’t have to fix it all at once. You don’t have to like the thing. You just have to get curious about it.

One bite. Just to give it a fair chance.

That’s it. That’s the whole game.

P.S. Have your own “is it the thing or how you do the thing” moment? Share it in the comments.

And if you can’t figure out your workaround yet, drop it here too. Maybe someone else already has.